Ideally, as we mature, the ways we interact and behave in relationships reflect what’s called a secure attachment style. That means we are socially comfortable, trust others, have good self-esteem, and share our feelings with friends and family.
But Dr. Amy (as she is called) cautions us that “if a couple falls down a rabbit hole together to the point of ignoring friends and family while in their love bubble, it usually doesn’t end well.” She adds, “That is, most people don’t come to the table with secure attachments nor are they uber ready right away for a healthy, mature relationship.”
For people who show evidence of a fearful-avoidant attachment style, for example, though they crave love and affection, they don’t trust others and are reluctant to have close relationships. Often this relates to childhood trauma, these individuals struggle with trying to maintain healthy relationships.
According to what Dr. Amy sees in her practice, “Many people have a combination of avoidance or anxious attachment styles. If they still want to explore a relationship with that person, all they need to do is slow it down and pace it out.”
In addition to slowing things down and going at a more organic, less intense pace, the good news is that those having insecure attachment styles can develop a more secure attachment style under the care of and with proper guidance from a mental health professional.
A secure attachment style is possible to develop, but this takes time, care, intention, effort, and the healing of relationship trauma in relationships with yourself and others.
Attachment styles can evolve over time and people with all attachment styles can be in relationships with people who have different attachment styles. Read More